So it is just six days from my last post. I am up 6 pounds from that post. What happened? So easy. I made a plan that has proven to work for me and I walked away from the plan. I did my spin classes. I did my running. I decided there were days I wanted alcohol. NASCAR championship? The day before Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving Day?
I blog this because I want everyone who gains weight like me to recognize that we are making choices everyday. My commitment to the health and the weight loss was clearly not quite strong enough. It was the holidays and I have lots of excuses. That is fine. Today, I have to mentally readjust. I cannot say in one week I will lose the six pounds. I cannot plan to be under 200 lbs by the new year. These are self defeaters before I begin.
So, today I recommit. (please know that I believe you can recommit every half hour if you need to) This time, there is NO ALCOHOL as was supposed to be the plan all along. I am committing to that until Christmas Eve and I will readjust or look at my choices for the holidays. I love a glass of champagne with my family. I am committing to 2 days of spin each week and at least 3 runs. Those are easy commitments as I love both things. I am committing to me. I am committing to my body.
I wonder how many people trying to commit to themselves are beating themselves up after the holiday. Stop the beatings! Recommit. We've Got this. Be Strong!!!!!!
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Praising our bodies
Sometimes when you are trying to reach a physically (and thereby mentally) healthier you, you can spend too long looking at the scale. I am down 3 pounds since last I posted. Yay, and yet...being down 3 pounds does not accurately represent all that my body has done for me since my last post.
This body got me to work without fail. This body brought me to spin class and helped me spin my hardest and sleep the sleep of the happy after a good work out. This body ran me 3.8 miles on Saturday and pushed me 3.1 miles on Sunday for my fastest 3.1 mile time of 38:42.
This body held me up when I cried, and put me to sleep when I didn't want to think anymore. This body is amazing. I do not have the kind of job where I am judged on how I look. (Although, surely there are always people judging how we look.) I am not sure why I only praise my own body when the scale says some magical number.
This body does amazing things for me everyday and I won't be able to take it with me when I go...and so, I choose to praise this body every single day. No matter what the scale says.
Notice what your body does for you today.
Be Strong!
This body got me to work without fail. This body brought me to spin class and helped me spin my hardest and sleep the sleep of the happy after a good work out. This body ran me 3.8 miles on Saturday and pushed me 3.1 miles on Sunday for my fastest 3.1 mile time of 38:42.
This body held me up when I cried, and put me to sleep when I didn't want to think anymore. This body is amazing. I do not have the kind of job where I am judged on how I look. (Although, surely there are always people judging how we look.) I am not sure why I only praise my own body when the scale says some magical number.
This body does amazing things for me everyday and I won't be able to take it with me when I go...and so, I choose to praise this body every single day. No matter what the scale says.
Notice what your body does for you today.
Be Strong!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Be Strong- but not always
In July I went on hiatus from this blog because my 44 year old sister was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was broken hearted and determined to be there for her as much as possible. On September 10, 2012 my sister died. I am still broken hearted....and yet...I am not broken.
With my sister's diagnosis came a lot of anxiety for me. This is not the place nor is it the time (not ready to go there yet) for me to share all of that with you. However, since the magical date I blogged about -March 11, 2012- I had gone down 30 lbs. and now, I am exactly half way between that and my starting weight. Half way feels magical, too. It is the moment I say to myself, "Did I really change or am I the same person who won't believe how fat I am until my belly sits on my knees?" If you remember previous posts you know I am not afraid to call out my weight of 223 lbs because I carry that weight into the world everyday. I carry this friggin amazing body into the world everyday!!! It is a body that has not failed me yet. How honored and blessed that I am. Perhaps now is a good time to mention that exactly one day after weighing in at 219, I ran a half marathon in 3 hours and 9 minutes! They didn't ask my weight. They didn't care my weight. If I could run I was in!!! And I ran!!!
So here I am today 15 pounds heavier than I was in the last post in July. And yet, I am wiser, stronger, more gentle and more loving. Win-Win. I am ready to get back to the healthier version of me. So, what made me gain the 15 pounds? Easy. I started drinking alcohol again and I stopped exercising faithfully. I exercised here and there. 2 things. That is it. Nothing more. There are solid reasons for both those things happening. I am not here to make excuses. I am not here to ease any guilt because I don't have any related to those two choices. I am not even here to say that I slipped. I didn't. Life happened as it does. It came at me hard and I made different choices than I had been making. Today, I look at those choices and say...."yeah, they worked for right then but those aren't choice I want to hang onto long-term."
And so I have stopped the alcohol for now. I have started the spinning and the running again. My goal is 3 miles 2 x a week and 5 miles once a week. I will probably have to do a lot of that on the treadmill and although I don't love that idea, the idea of making the gym work for me is great. Spinning will be 2 x a week. I know I will have to fight the not wanting to even harder with the days getting darker much earlier. Winter is a time where I have to watch myself like a hawk or I will fall into a place where I want to wear sweats, read a book, and drink hot stuff as soon as I get home!
The good news is that I like the healthier me. I like that I don't shy away from things that are hard. I had never pushed my body beyond comfort zone and it is such a feeling of accomplishment to do that! I keep thinking about and loving the idea that the more weight I take off of this body the faster I will run without having to do ANYTHING else.
Life will keep happening to us. Sometimes it will be gentle, but often it will hit hard!!! It is okay if you get the wind knocked out of you. Take time to catch your breath. When you are ready jump up and fight back! Be Strong! Be Gentle with you and those you meet along the way!
With my sister's diagnosis came a lot of anxiety for me. This is not the place nor is it the time (not ready to go there yet) for me to share all of that with you. However, since the magical date I blogged about -March 11, 2012- I had gone down 30 lbs. and now, I am exactly half way between that and my starting weight. Half way feels magical, too. It is the moment I say to myself, "Did I really change or am I the same person who won't believe how fat I am until my belly sits on my knees?" If you remember previous posts you know I am not afraid to call out my weight of 223 lbs because I carry that weight into the world everyday. I carry this friggin amazing body into the world everyday!!! It is a body that has not failed me yet. How honored and blessed that I am. Perhaps now is a good time to mention that exactly one day after weighing in at 219, I ran a half marathon in 3 hours and 9 minutes! They didn't ask my weight. They didn't care my weight. If I could run I was in!!! And I ran!!!
So here I am today 15 pounds heavier than I was in the last post in July. And yet, I am wiser, stronger, more gentle and more loving. Win-Win. I am ready to get back to the healthier version of me. So, what made me gain the 15 pounds? Easy. I started drinking alcohol again and I stopped exercising faithfully. I exercised here and there. 2 things. That is it. Nothing more. There are solid reasons for both those things happening. I am not here to make excuses. I am not here to ease any guilt because I don't have any related to those two choices. I am not even here to say that I slipped. I didn't. Life happened as it does. It came at me hard and I made different choices than I had been making. Today, I look at those choices and say...."yeah, they worked for right then but those aren't choice I want to hang onto long-term."
And so I have stopped the alcohol for now. I have started the spinning and the running again. My goal is 3 miles 2 x a week and 5 miles once a week. I will probably have to do a lot of that on the treadmill and although I don't love that idea, the idea of making the gym work for me is great. Spinning will be 2 x a week. I know I will have to fight the not wanting to even harder with the days getting darker much earlier. Winter is a time where I have to watch myself like a hawk or I will fall into a place where I want to wear sweats, read a book, and drink hot stuff as soon as I get home!
The good news is that I like the healthier me. I like that I don't shy away from things that are hard. I had never pushed my body beyond comfort zone and it is such a feeling of accomplishment to do that! I keep thinking about and loving the idea that the more weight I take off of this body the faster I will run without having to do ANYTHING else.
Life will keep happening to us. Sometimes it will be gentle, but often it will hit hard!!! It is okay if you get the wind knocked out of you. Take time to catch your breath. When you are ready jump up and fight back! Be Strong! Be Gentle with you and those you meet along the way!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Be Strong
I will be taking a hiatus from this blog. Let me leave you with this thought. Try to get healthier if you are overweight, but don't obsess about it...because obsessing takes you away from the things that are really important in life. Don't look at the scale today. Get some kind of fun exercise and go love up your family! Make some good memories that will carry you through storms. Be Strong and I will work on being the same.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
It is not all physical
On Thursday I headed for the ocean. When I got to the cottage I looked for running routes and for me the roads were too narrow, there were not side walks for whole roads and I did not see that I would enjoy running here. So I didn't. In the scheme of things that is two training runs I missed. I felt guilty...for about a minute and then I made a decision and I let it go.
Look, having a healthy body is important. But, being healthy mentally and not beating yourself up all the time, that is just as important. I have read a lot of weight loss blogs in the last few weeks. I get that they are journals of people's weight loss journey but I worry that some people are so obsessed that they forget to live. I don't want this blog to be like that. I write about running and losing weight in the hopes that it helps someone else to be healthier, but this is about 10 percent (maybe in training 15 percent) of my life.
So, what do you do when you are not focused on becoming physically healthier? You work on making your spirit healthier. Write a letter to someone you love, make a phone call to an old friend, patch up a rift with someone you care about. Think about people. Pray for or with people. Laugh with your siblings. Call your mom and dad.
What do you need to do to make your spirit healthier? Focus on that today and see what happens. Good Luck and BE STRONG.
Look, having a healthy body is important. But, being healthy mentally and not beating yourself up all the time, that is just as important. I have read a lot of weight loss blogs in the last few weeks. I get that they are journals of people's weight loss journey but I worry that some people are so obsessed that they forget to live. I don't want this blog to be like that. I write about running and losing weight in the hopes that it helps someone else to be healthier, but this is about 10 percent (maybe in training 15 percent) of my life.
So, what do you do when you are not focused on becoming physically healthier? You work on making your spirit healthier. Write a letter to someone you love, make a phone call to an old friend, patch up a rift with someone you care about. Think about people. Pray for or with people. Laugh with your siblings. Call your mom and dad.
What do you need to do to make your spirit healthier? Focus on that today and see what happens. Good Luck and BE STRONG.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Vacation
Vacation time folks! I am off to the ocean and will return happily to the blog on Wednesday morning. Enjoy!
Who owns you anyway?
Yesterday after I did my run I had a text from a friend. Turns out the partner she goes to the trainer with could not go and she wanted to know if I could go. The best thing I can tell you is that I didn't even think about if I wanted to. (OH, I WANTED TO) I only had to worry about timing. The timing was perfect.
I showed up for the training raring to go and I was NOT disappointed. This friend hasn't seen me in about a month and her reaction to the way I look was authentic and awesome. She does not read my blog so although she knows I am working on weight loss I doubt she really remembered til she saw me. That was cool. Then the trainer worked me like a dog and I loved every sweaty second of it. I will admit that even when I can't do an exercise fully I love strength training. We even got to put on gloves and punch a bag. (my FAV). He was very different from the trainer I used at my gym. He kept commenting that my form was great. I knew that was from the constructive criticisms I got from my first trainer. Some days I felt frustrated by her "do it again that wasn't right." But now I realize that is why I know how to use the correct form and after yesterday I am excited to think about when I might be able to start working with her again!
Note of interest: I read a blog the other day and I actually really enjoyed it. However, the girl has three scales line up by her bed and gets on each one when she weighs herself to make sure the number is right. Um, that is not going to work for me and I daresay that is not a good way to work on changing your life. Throughout our day we can take off and add up to 5 lbs at a time. Essentially you could weight yourself every hour and see different weights. Again, you have to take control and do what works best for you, but this is what I am going to tell you. One of the exercises last night was to hold onto a bar with both hands. Get off the step so I was hanging there and lift my knees 12 times. I did it. I felt amazing. I could have been 350 lbs right then and it wouldn't have mattered to me because I was making my body meet a strength challenge and it felt awesome. I even grunted!!!! Don't get too obsessive about the number. As my trainer told me when I started. If you get obsessive about exercise it is much healthier than getting obsessive about a number on a scale.
Final note: Friends couldn't believe I had put my weight on this blog. That is so funny to me because I put my weight out into the world everyday. You see me, you know generally that I am overweight. You saw me four months ago, you generally worried I was going to keep ballooning until I exploded. (Well, my brother shared that with me anyway, God love him.) The number on the scale does not own me, it guides me. It does not set my moods, it guides my workouts. It does not choose my food, it helps me make choices. Alright, I am going here: If your scale makes you miserable on a daily basis....get RID OF IT. You don't need it to know if you are losing weight. TAKE CONTROL.
Be Strong.
I showed up for the training raring to go and I was NOT disappointed. This friend hasn't seen me in about a month and her reaction to the way I look was authentic and awesome. She does not read my blog so although she knows I am working on weight loss I doubt she really remembered til she saw me. That was cool. Then the trainer worked me like a dog and I loved every sweaty second of it. I will admit that even when I can't do an exercise fully I love strength training. We even got to put on gloves and punch a bag. (my FAV). He was very different from the trainer I used at my gym. He kept commenting that my form was great. I knew that was from the constructive criticisms I got from my first trainer. Some days I felt frustrated by her "do it again that wasn't right." But now I realize that is why I know how to use the correct form and after yesterday I am excited to think about when I might be able to start working with her again!
Note of interest: I read a blog the other day and I actually really enjoyed it. However, the girl has three scales line up by her bed and gets on each one when she weighs herself to make sure the number is right. Um, that is not going to work for me and I daresay that is not a good way to work on changing your life. Throughout our day we can take off and add up to 5 lbs at a time. Essentially you could weight yourself every hour and see different weights. Again, you have to take control and do what works best for you, but this is what I am going to tell you. One of the exercises last night was to hold onto a bar with both hands. Get off the step so I was hanging there and lift my knees 12 times. I did it. I felt amazing. I could have been 350 lbs right then and it wouldn't have mattered to me because I was making my body meet a strength challenge and it felt awesome. I even grunted!!!! Don't get too obsessive about the number. As my trainer told me when I started. If you get obsessive about exercise it is much healthier than getting obsessive about a number on a scale.
Final note: Friends couldn't believe I had put my weight on this blog. That is so funny to me because I put my weight out into the world everyday. You see me, you know generally that I am overweight. You saw me four months ago, you generally worried I was going to keep ballooning until I exploded. (Well, my brother shared that with me anyway, God love him.) The number on the scale does not own me, it guides me. It does not set my moods, it guides my workouts. It does not choose my food, it helps me make choices. Alright, I am going here: If your scale makes you miserable on a daily basis....get RID OF IT. You don't need it to know if you are losing weight. TAKE CONTROL.
Be Strong.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Notes of Interest (It appears to be brought to you by Nike)
A couple of notes of interest today:
Yesterday I went on about a trillion fitness/weight loss blogs to see how I can make mine better. I enjoyed all of them and all of them were WAY different from this one. Some have about a trillion (my fav number) pictures for comparison. They were cool to see. Some talk about every bite of food that goes into their mouths ad nauseum ( I am not positive what ad nausuem means but I really wanted to use it and I think it fits here). So, um if you are not interested in obsessing about what YOU are eating every single day why do you care what I am eating every single day. *takes dramatic sip of water* Some of them talk about the benefits of shakes or certain training programs. All of them have one thing in common. They help people working on fitness/weight loss know they are not alone. That is good. Beyond that people losing weight (myself included) can really only help motivate. And somedays that will work for you and somedays it won't. I just want you to know that I don't think there is any ONE way to do this thing. The only thing I do know is eventually you have to JUST DO IT. (Thank you, Nike.)
Last night I didn't want to run. I did NOT go in the a.m like I was supposed to...too tired. When does an excuse work? When it is real. No worries or guilt, I would do it at six. Around 3 I knew I did not want to do it so I used that old trick all gurus tell you about...putting your workout clothes on so you are already part way there. Now I was just an unmotivated runner in work out clothes. Hmmm. Then when I got home from mom duties, hubby and daugher are home and I didn't want to go. I wanted to hang with them. When making decision that has the potential to make you feel guilty- rip the bandaid off. I debated and then traded in my rest day Friday for a rest day yesterday. That means I couldn't do that today. That means I guilted myself into the run this morning. It was the happiest thing I have done for myself in quite awhile. Why do we brush our teeth? Oh sure we know all the reasons we should brush our teeth, but we do it mostly because it is a habit. The reality I have in 4 months is I am not going to always find motivation. It is an illusive thing, but I have made a commitment to me and I am going to just do it. (oh, thanks again, Nike)
How was the run? 4.5 miles. Most of it great, part of sucked. I conquered a killer hill one way but walked part of it coming home. I stopped to pet a dog and the owner not realizing I was out for a run (not sure why) turned around and started walking with me. It was probably only .2 miles but I got a little worried about my slowing heart rate and my slowing speed. And then I remembered that part of being healthy is being a happy human and this woman and her dog were really cool. We parted ways and I started my run again. By now, it was sweaty hot. ICK. I just kept repeating slow and steady. I treated myself to a look at the scale. I had sweated out 5 lbs. I am 4 lbs away from being under 200. Of course, the truth is that as I sip my water that scale will go right back up again. That reality is okay with me. 4 months ago I wasn't sure I would stop the scale from hitting 240. I am thrilled.
Be Well.
Yesterday I went on about a trillion fitness/weight loss blogs to see how I can make mine better. I enjoyed all of them and all of them were WAY different from this one. Some have about a trillion (my fav number) pictures for comparison. They were cool to see. Some talk about every bite of food that goes into their mouths ad nauseum ( I am not positive what ad nausuem means but I really wanted to use it and I think it fits here). So, um if you are not interested in obsessing about what YOU are eating every single day why do you care what I am eating every single day. *takes dramatic sip of water* Some of them talk about the benefits of shakes or certain training programs. All of them have one thing in common. They help people working on fitness/weight loss know they are not alone. That is good. Beyond that people losing weight (myself included) can really only help motivate. And somedays that will work for you and somedays it won't. I just want you to know that I don't think there is any ONE way to do this thing. The only thing I do know is eventually you have to JUST DO IT. (Thank you, Nike.)
Last night I didn't want to run. I did NOT go in the a.m like I was supposed to...too tired. When does an excuse work? When it is real. No worries or guilt, I would do it at six. Around 3 I knew I did not want to do it so I used that old trick all gurus tell you about...putting your workout clothes on so you are already part way there. Now I was just an unmotivated runner in work out clothes. Hmmm. Then when I got home from mom duties, hubby and daugher are home and I didn't want to go. I wanted to hang with them. When making decision that has the potential to make you feel guilty- rip the bandaid off. I debated and then traded in my rest day Friday for a rest day yesterday. That means I couldn't do that today. That means I guilted myself into the run this morning. It was the happiest thing I have done for myself in quite awhile. Why do we brush our teeth? Oh sure we know all the reasons we should brush our teeth, but we do it mostly because it is a habit. The reality I have in 4 months is I am not going to always find motivation. It is an illusive thing, but I have made a commitment to me and I am going to just do it. (oh, thanks again, Nike)
How was the run? 4.5 miles. Most of it great, part of sucked. I conquered a killer hill one way but walked part of it coming home. I stopped to pet a dog and the owner not realizing I was out for a run (not sure why) turned around and started walking with me. It was probably only .2 miles but I got a little worried about my slowing heart rate and my slowing speed. And then I remembered that part of being healthy is being a happy human and this woman and her dog were really cool. We parted ways and I started my run again. By now, it was sweaty hot. ICK. I just kept repeating slow and steady. I treated myself to a look at the scale. I had sweated out 5 lbs. I am 4 lbs away from being under 200. Of course, the truth is that as I sip my water that scale will go right back up again. That reality is okay with me. 4 months ago I wasn't sure I would stop the scale from hitting 240. I am thrilled.
Be Well.
Quick note
On Monday night I went to bed at 1:00 a.m. so the voice won when I didn't feel like doing the 4.5 yesterday. No problem, I have a rest day in my training plan so Friday's rest became Tuesday's rest. I forced guilt aside. This morning, however, I know if I want to get a 4.5 in today I have to go in the next ten minutes. I cannot use my health blog as an excuse not to be healthy. So we interrupt this blog for a solid run!!! I will post more after the run when my voice says I will have something valid to say because I will have done what I tell my readers I am doing. Holy God, does that even make sense? See, I need a RUN! Be Strong.
And if you are all really lucky, I will post a sweaty after run pic for you! Tune in.
And if you are all really lucky, I will post a sweaty after run pic for you! Tune in.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Take Control- you decide
I want to thank reader/friend Erica for her suggestion to readers about just eating half of something you really want. It was a good reminder to me as I begin this blog that one size does not fit all. Eating half for me of like a chicken breast? Yes, I can do that. Although chicken breast is good for me so I don't have to do that. Eating half of a pringles can? Absolutely can't happen for me. A can has no chance of survival in my home through one full day. That is whether I am alone at home or not. No chance. Ask my sister-in- law. She has witnessed the way I chow down the pringles. It ain't pretty and it ain't healthy, but it's real and it's me. My only chance against a pringles can is not to have one near me. Now, I know somebody who can keep an entire can of pringles for weeks without finishing, but can't keep ice-cream in her freezer to safe her life. HA, sucker....I can keep ice-cream for weeks in the freezer. (Well, if you take my daughter out of the equation.) You see? There is just no one size fits all. Which is why I told you what I eat because people were asking, but I don't think you will get there by copying what I eat bite for bite....although I am flattered if you want to try. Just coffee so far..I can see a banana staring at me from the bowl. The point I am trying to make is there is no one size fits all in the health world, but its a trillion dollar business because we look to others instead of ourselves. So- losing weight scientifically means you have to have a deficit of 3500 calories to lose a pound. You need to take in a certain amount of calories less than what you take in right now and the more you exercise the faster your body will change. Its really up to you.
Yesterday, one of the trainers at the gym told our spin class about a strength training diet she and her boyfriend are doing. Together they go through a pound of bacon a day and three basic foods are bacon, steak and butter. HELLO DISGUSTING. But, it is working and their goal is very specific based on hard core weight and strength training. And- they don't think it is disgusting so it works for them. Jillian Michaels put out on her facebook page yesterday that it is best to do your workouts at the same time everyday. Best? What the hell does that mean? My workout is ineffective if I don't do it at the same time? Because I don't, because I can't and I don't need to be any kind of fitness guru to know if I stop working out because I think it won't benefit me because I can't do them at the same time, there is no benefit at all. I think Jillian Michaels is great, but I am sick of people telling me how to do it. I am too old for that. Take control of your life.
I have a constructive critic out there who wants me to shorten my posts and I am REALLY trying, but just two more examples- I promise! I read my Good Housekeeping magazine and they focused on one woman who lost weight. She said something about giving up carbs and that yes, she was miserable for awhile but it was worth it in the end? It was? Cause, I only have a certain amount of time with this life and spending weeks miserable to see the scale move...so, not worth it for me. I lost 29 pounds in 3 months, oh by the way I hit 30 pounds today and tomorrow marks four months so 30 pounds in four months and the only misery was how frigging out of shape I was in the begining with my workouts. Last night I KILLED spin class. Oh- I digress.
My last example is the running on the treadmill versus running in the world. I prefer running in the world. I like getting somewhere. I like nobody around me. I am not sure if the right words are I can't get out of my own head in the gym or if it is more correct to say I can't get into my own head at the gym. I have very close friends who are the exact opposite and can only enjoy a run on a treadmill. All kinds of runner can argue the various benefits/nonbenefits of both. But as far as losing weight and getting healthy- take damn control and do what you love and what works for you, and I daresay, at whatever time of day works best for you. Yes, I went there! Be Strong.
Monday, July 9, 2012
I am not a fitness guru...you will see why
I am not a trainer or a fitness guru. I am a normal person who loves to write and is on a journey to get healthier. I say that because I don't have a magic path for you to follow for you to lose the weight I am losing. I mean, I guess I do kind of have a magic path...run three times a week adding mileage each week and spin 1 to 2 times a week and make healthier choices. It is the healthier choice part that appears a bit ambiguous and I have been asked by four different people recently what I am eating these days so I am going to go there for you now. However, keep in mind I am me and I had made this health plan according to who I am. That is kind of the fun of it. Start thinking about what might work for you and have FUN with it!
Quite truthfully I want to vomit at the thought of food when I wake up in the morning. Really, you could even put cheetos or french fries in front of me and I would balk at them (and you, because why are you putting cheetos and french fries in front of me?). Yet, I have read so much research that says breakfast is the most important meal of the day so I force myself to eat within 2 hours of waking up. Research says one but you know, sometimes scientists are wrong and 1 could make me vomit and my number one rule is listen to MY BODY...even over research! Breakfast is either a luna bar and fruit (usually a banana because breakfast has to be fast and easy for me to stick to it) or a bowl of cereal. I have some kind of healthy shit like Kashi or special K. Again I read research that your breakfast cereal should have lots of protein and 10 g of sugar or less so that is what I buy. Now, when I go on vacation and my choices are homebaked muffins (thanks Grammy and Krista) I am not going to turn down that muffin. No thank you, because I am not on a diet. I am too old for diets and quite frankly too sick to death of them and their wrongness. So my steadfast rule for myself is to have a fruit with whatever I have. It is easy to travel anywhere with bananas and apples.
Next is one of the most important things I have learned. Do not let yourself get hungry. This is hard because I am being truthful when I say sometimes that means I am eating when my body has not signaled hunger yet. But that has been key to not overeating for me. So about 10 or 10:30 (much easier to stay on track when I am in school and on that schedule) I eat a cheese stick and a red delicious apple. Easy, fast and I LOOOOVVVEEE them. Oh sometimes I don't feel like that apple because who does over cheetos, but I actually force myself because I know I won't overeat at lunch and it will make me feel good.
Lunch is more ambiguous. During the school year I try for chix and a vegetable, but at home this summer it really varies. I just try to get protein in and not too much processed. I try to stay away from bread in most instances but that is not a steadfast rule. I love bagels and the occasional sub. I am not going to give them up. But, usually I can do without bread without feeling any sacrifice at all so that is an easy one for me.
Then- if I need to eat before dinner, I try to do fruit. Sometimes it is not at all what I want and I have to both fight myself to eat it and force myself to eat it, but it always does the trick for hunger and that feeling of wanting something to eat it.
Dinner is whatever we are having. (My husband is the cook and he makes yummy stuff every night) So, my rule is no seconds. That is such a damn easy rule to follow...well, most nights.
If I want dessert I have dessert however I should confess here that I am not a huge dessert person, nor am I huge sugar person. My weakness is salt and crunchy. Most nights after Krista is asleep my hubby and I share a bowl of pop chips. They are healthier than the average chip and I love them more than pringles!!! That is saying something.
Finally, lets talk drinks. I force water on myself often. I believe it helps me stay on an even keel mentally. I love my coffee!!!! It seems to be that I love coffee even more now that I don't have alcohol. Oh yes, for those who haven't read that post, I don't drink alcohol (that was a huge weight loss starter and I highly recommend it for fast weight loss and many healthy benefits). I have never been a soda person. About once a year I get myself a cold coke and drink it up like crazy but other than that no soda. So, the treat drink is seltzer because who doesn't love bubbles and when I am out to eat I have them add cranberry juice because that makes it extra special!!!!
Now, with any diet plan I failed easily because if I couldn't do it to a t than I felt I was failing and just gave up. So, I recommend as you start working on your plan think of one thing that you do often that you are willing to stop. For me the first think was alcohol, for some it would be bread, for others it would be soda. You can make it as big or as little of a sacrifice as you want, but commit to it. This is a life change so don't do what I had the tendency of doing and try to commit to something that is too hard for you to do. If wine is something you have with your spouse during date nights and or even every night and you don't want to give it up...I say don't. (Remember, I am not a health guru- what I just said might be why) Give up something that has calories you don't need and feels pretty easy. Here is my theory why. If you give up something that you really can't commit to then you will fail and when you fail you feel bad about yourself and if you are commited to this blog than my guess is when you feel bad about yourself you do things that cause you to gain more weight. However, if you pick something easy you can succeed with, you will feel good about the success and it will get easier to pick other things to stay away from.
Nothing has to be cut forever. The goal isn't miserable. The goal is healthier and therefore much, much happier. So, if you are just at the beginning stage of thinking about wanting to be healthier, just sit back and notice what you eat and drink. Try to pick one thing that would not make you feel miserable to stop for awhile. Delve in and give it a try. Have fun!
Quite truthfully I want to vomit at the thought of food when I wake up in the morning. Really, you could even put cheetos or french fries in front of me and I would balk at them (and you, because why are you putting cheetos and french fries in front of me?). Yet, I have read so much research that says breakfast is the most important meal of the day so I force myself to eat within 2 hours of waking up. Research says one but you know, sometimes scientists are wrong and 1 could make me vomit and my number one rule is listen to MY BODY...even over research! Breakfast is either a luna bar and fruit (usually a banana because breakfast has to be fast and easy for me to stick to it) or a bowl of cereal. I have some kind of healthy shit like Kashi or special K. Again I read research that your breakfast cereal should have lots of protein and 10 g of sugar or less so that is what I buy. Now, when I go on vacation and my choices are homebaked muffins (thanks Grammy and Krista) I am not going to turn down that muffin. No thank you, because I am not on a diet. I am too old for diets and quite frankly too sick to death of them and their wrongness. So my steadfast rule for myself is to have a fruit with whatever I have. It is easy to travel anywhere with bananas and apples.
Next is one of the most important things I have learned. Do not let yourself get hungry. This is hard because I am being truthful when I say sometimes that means I am eating when my body has not signaled hunger yet. But that has been key to not overeating for me. So about 10 or 10:30 (much easier to stay on track when I am in school and on that schedule) I eat a cheese stick and a red delicious apple. Easy, fast and I LOOOOVVVEEE them. Oh sometimes I don't feel like that apple because who does over cheetos, but I actually force myself because I know I won't overeat at lunch and it will make me feel good.
Lunch is more ambiguous. During the school year I try for chix and a vegetable, but at home this summer it really varies. I just try to get protein in and not too much processed. I try to stay away from bread in most instances but that is not a steadfast rule. I love bagels and the occasional sub. I am not going to give them up. But, usually I can do without bread without feeling any sacrifice at all so that is an easy one for me.
Then- if I need to eat before dinner, I try to do fruit. Sometimes it is not at all what I want and I have to both fight myself to eat it and force myself to eat it, but it always does the trick for hunger and that feeling of wanting something to eat it.
Dinner is whatever we are having. (My husband is the cook and he makes yummy stuff every night) So, my rule is no seconds. That is such a damn easy rule to follow...well, most nights.
If I want dessert I have dessert however I should confess here that I am not a huge dessert person, nor am I huge sugar person. My weakness is salt and crunchy. Most nights after Krista is asleep my hubby and I share a bowl of pop chips. They are healthier than the average chip and I love them more than pringles!!! That is saying something.
Finally, lets talk drinks. I force water on myself often. I believe it helps me stay on an even keel mentally. I love my coffee!!!! It seems to be that I love coffee even more now that I don't have alcohol. Oh yes, for those who haven't read that post, I don't drink alcohol (that was a huge weight loss starter and I highly recommend it for fast weight loss and many healthy benefits). I have never been a soda person. About once a year I get myself a cold coke and drink it up like crazy but other than that no soda. So, the treat drink is seltzer because who doesn't love bubbles and when I am out to eat I have them add cranberry juice because that makes it extra special!!!!
Now, with any diet plan I failed easily because if I couldn't do it to a t than I felt I was failing and just gave up. So, I recommend as you start working on your plan think of one thing that you do often that you are willing to stop. For me the first think was alcohol, for some it would be bread, for others it would be soda. You can make it as big or as little of a sacrifice as you want, but commit to it. This is a life change so don't do what I had the tendency of doing and try to commit to something that is too hard for you to do. If wine is something you have with your spouse during date nights and or even every night and you don't want to give it up...I say don't. (Remember, I am not a health guru- what I just said might be why) Give up something that has calories you don't need and feels pretty easy. Here is my theory why. If you give up something that you really can't commit to then you will fail and when you fail you feel bad about yourself and if you are commited to this blog than my guess is when you feel bad about yourself you do things that cause you to gain more weight. However, if you pick something easy you can succeed with, you will feel good about the success and it will get easier to pick other things to stay away from.
Nothing has to be cut forever. The goal isn't miserable. The goal is healthier and therefore much, much happier. So, if you are just at the beginning stage of thinking about wanting to be healthier, just sit back and notice what you eat and drink. Try to pick one thing that would not make you feel miserable to stop for awhile. Delve in and give it a try. Have fun!
Friday, July 6, 2012
You can't do this
It is time to get right to the running and with the running comes the voice in our heads. You know the voice. I have always had a really strong one...my best friend I often say. I believe in that shit about what you tell yourself you are you are. I am the kid who listened to the 45 of a song called, "I love life" over and over again and it is surprising nobody in my family shot me quite honestly. I would sing with it too...like crazy!!! Our mom always had some kind of deep magnet on our fridge and I would read them all the time. My favorite was "A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle." Now if it had read, "Be nice to people shithead." I am not sure I would have loved it, but that simple saying about the candle had me buying into how great the world has the possibility to be.
I bring up the voice because that is who joins you on every run you start. Your voice. When I tell people how far I have run on a certain day they tell me how great it is and that they wished they could do that but they never could. You know what? They are absolutely friggin right. Just look...their voice has already defeated them and they are not even trying to run.
My voice has defeated me before. That is why I am 40 and just starting out as a runner. And after three months it doesn't feel like running is an issue. No the issue is my voice. First, I cannot run with other people. The voice takes on a mind of its own. Telling me that I will never be as fast and I can't do it and so on and so on. The goal on any run of mine is to get the voice to shut the hell up. Three months ago I was starting each run by counting in my head. Just try to count and have your voice give you negative messages. It can't. You just keep counting to drown it out. Then I got an ipod. Music is great because it drowns out the voice. However, the other day in Maine my ipod froze and I needed to do a 4 mile run. All I could think was I was going to have to listen to that stupid, annoying voice for 4 miles. But, something amazing happened. My voice did not once pipe up that I couldn't do this. In fact in the first mile, he (oh yes, my voice appears to be male) told me to remember how good I start feeling in the second mile. I had an absolutely enjoyable run with just the sound of nature and my footfalls. So, enjoyable in fact, that I ran 4.5 yesterday and CHOSE not to use an ipod. It was AWESOME!!!!
What kinds of things does your voice tell you you can't do? Is it right?
I bring up the voice because that is who joins you on every run you start. Your voice. When I tell people how far I have run on a certain day they tell me how great it is and that they wished they could do that but they never could. You know what? They are absolutely friggin right. Just look...their voice has already defeated them and they are not even trying to run.
My voice has defeated me before. That is why I am 40 and just starting out as a runner. And after three months it doesn't feel like running is an issue. No the issue is my voice. First, I cannot run with other people. The voice takes on a mind of its own. Telling me that I will never be as fast and I can't do it and so on and so on. The goal on any run of mine is to get the voice to shut the hell up. Three months ago I was starting each run by counting in my head. Just try to count and have your voice give you negative messages. It can't. You just keep counting to drown it out. Then I got an ipod. Music is great because it drowns out the voice. However, the other day in Maine my ipod froze and I needed to do a 4 mile run. All I could think was I was going to have to listen to that stupid, annoying voice for 4 miles. But, something amazing happened. My voice did not once pipe up that I couldn't do this. In fact in the first mile, he (oh yes, my voice appears to be male) told me to remember how good I start feeling in the second mile. I had an absolutely enjoyable run with just the sound of nature and my footfalls. So, enjoyable in fact, that I ran 4.5 yesterday and CHOSE not to use an ipod. It was AWESOME!!!!
What kinds of things does your voice tell you you can't do? Is it right?
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Who I am
So, what came next? I mean giving up alcohol is friggin fantastic for your body, but there was more. First, let me tell you about my husband who knows me so well. His theory on me is that I "come out of the gate strong." For example, I decide to lose weight so I decide what all the choices need to be and I do them religiously for a little bit.... a week, two weeks, even three weeks, and then I am so sick of doing them and maybe I have lost a little weight so I feel proud of that and I go right back to where I was and what I was doing. It is very similar to the graphs my dad used to put on his refrigerator to chart his weight loss. The dip in the beginning was always huge and then he stopped charting after a few ups. Or when he would go on a diet so he wouldn't eat anything all day and then he would take me out for ice-cream and he would dig in with gusto, of course, because the dude had not eaten anything all day!
I did not really want to mess with food at this point. Food can become a great obsession with me and I didn't want to be obsessed, I wanted to be healthy. So, as I was training (I use that word lightly here) for our annual 5k for the Autism Resource Center, I also thought about joining a gym. Luckily my husband was on board because we had been walking together at night and running next to each other on the treadmills at our apartment complex. We realized this was something we could do together. I figured if we paid for a gym I would have to use the gym especially with a husband who was motivated. I cannot even explain what happened to me when I turned that final corner in the 5k and saw 38 minutes on the digital clock. I started screaming like a fool and jumping up and down. I daresay it might have felt better than any weight I have ever lost! Strangers were congratulating me knowing nothing of my goal but by my maniacal finish knowing I had done something amazing for myself. Possibly it is that runners recognize finishing as an amazing accomplishment in itself.
From there I bought a four pack of sessions with a trainer at the gym. She asked my next goal and before I knew what the hell was coming out of my mouth I said, "running a 10k." I did my four sessions with her, started spinning classes, and found a training schedule online for a half marathon that I am using to prepare me for a 10k. (At this point it would be realistic for you to make some inferences regarding why I chose a half marathon training schedule, but I will not say it out loud yet. It is not time. 10k first.)
At this point, we can say I have come out of the gate strong, but let me tell you why I think this time it will last. I have done a lot of reading recently about people trying to lose weight by bringing exercise into their lives. There is so much talk about motivation. I am reminded of something I read from Bob Harper in a magazine. You cannot and will not be motivated everyday. That just can't happen. Some days you just have to get up and do it anyway.
As I write this I have a 4 mile run schedule for today. Our air conditioner seems to broken. I am hot and possibly cranky. My daughter is away until Saturday and I have the day to myself albeit with a ton to do around this place. The very last thing I feel like doing is getting my stuff on and going for a run. I am not motivated. So what is getting me out the door in the next hour? Well, its not motivation and it is definitely not the idea of losing any weight from this run. That would not be enough to get me out there. I would just put it off until tomorrow. So here is what it is. 1. I am following a training schedule and this run is on the schedule. It is just like the days we go to work that we don't feel like it. It is my responsibility if I am training. 2. You may not always be motivated but you can turn something into a habit. I run three days a week (sometimes more if I decide not to cross train that day). It's that simple. It is what I do. I have been doing it for just over three months. It has become a habit now. I don't have any motivation to run 4 miles today. But I will do it. It's who I am now.
I did not really want to mess with food at this point. Food can become a great obsession with me and I didn't want to be obsessed, I wanted to be healthy. So, as I was training (I use that word lightly here) for our annual 5k for the Autism Resource Center, I also thought about joining a gym. Luckily my husband was on board because we had been walking together at night and running next to each other on the treadmills at our apartment complex. We realized this was something we could do together. I figured if we paid for a gym I would have to use the gym especially with a husband who was motivated. I cannot even explain what happened to me when I turned that final corner in the 5k and saw 38 minutes on the digital clock. I started screaming like a fool and jumping up and down. I daresay it might have felt better than any weight I have ever lost! Strangers were congratulating me knowing nothing of my goal but by my maniacal finish knowing I had done something amazing for myself. Possibly it is that runners recognize finishing as an amazing accomplishment in itself.
From there I bought a four pack of sessions with a trainer at the gym. She asked my next goal and before I knew what the hell was coming out of my mouth I said, "running a 10k." I did my four sessions with her, started spinning classes, and found a training schedule online for a half marathon that I am using to prepare me for a 10k. (At this point it would be realistic for you to make some inferences regarding why I chose a half marathon training schedule, but I will not say it out loud yet. It is not time. 10k first.)
At this point, we can say I have come out of the gate strong, but let me tell you why I think this time it will last. I have done a lot of reading recently about people trying to lose weight by bringing exercise into their lives. There is so much talk about motivation. I am reminded of something I read from Bob Harper in a magazine. You cannot and will not be motivated everyday. That just can't happen. Some days you just have to get up and do it anyway.
As I write this I have a 4 mile run schedule for today. Our air conditioner seems to broken. I am hot and possibly cranky. My daughter is away until Saturday and I have the day to myself albeit with a ton to do around this place. The very last thing I feel like doing is getting my stuff on and going for a run. I am not motivated. So what is getting me out the door in the next hour? Well, its not motivation and it is definitely not the idea of losing any weight from this run. That would not be enough to get me out there. I would just put it off until tomorrow. So here is what it is. 1. I am following a training schedule and this run is on the schedule. It is just like the days we go to work that we don't feel like it. It is my responsibility if I am training. 2. You may not always be motivated but you can turn something into a habit. I run three days a week (sometimes more if I decide not to cross train that day). It's that simple. It is what I do. I have been doing it for just over three months. It has become a habit now. I don't have any motivation to run 4 miles today. But I will do it. It's who I am now.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Step 1. Alcohol
I apologize right now to those who are going to groan, but you just can't write a blog about being strong physically and mentally without talking about self-esteem. I will make it quick. Self esteem- I have an abundance of it and I believe I always have. Sure, I am a pleaser and a peace maker, but I am so damn sure of myself. I mean listen, I am the girl who sophomore year asked 7 guys to the Sadie Hawkins dance. The 7th guy said yes, thank goodness, and then I spent all night avoiding his advances because I didn't want him to be my first kiss. He wasn't! I never once have believed that my worth was based on how I look. That doesn't mean I didn't want to look hot, it just means I didn't think that was how people judged me. For God's sake I grew up with a mom whose favorite book was The Velveteen Rabbit. The message was clear to me even as a young girl. With real love it doesn't matter what you look like.
Where friends would look at pictures of themselves and say, "Gross" I looked at pictures of myself and made comments like, "I am frigging good looking." Arrogance? maybe! But, the fact is I would much rather be the person happy with my looks than the one who worries my looks are never good enough. By whose standards do we judge ourselves? For me, only by my own.
I bring up self esteem because it took a lot for me to see the weight problem. In pictures I kind of noticed it, but it took realizing my belly was resting on my legs to do something about it.
On March 11, 2012 I woke up after a night of debauchery at my brother's house. I felt disgusting. I made the drive home from the Cape and got on the scale. That is the first time I saw 238 and I said, "this has to end here." Now, I had already started trying to "be healthier" but that is like dipping your foot in the pool. During the week I would lose 2 to 3 pounds and on the weekend I would drink alcohol and eat everything in sight and put back 2 to 3 pounds or more often 4 to 5 pounds. I was defeating myself and I knew how. On March 11, 2012 I decided that I would have to stop drinking alcohol to make any kind of difference. As I write this it is June 29th and I have still not had alcohol. I am not an alcoholic and I do not know if or when I will have an alcoholic beverage again. What I do know is that one decision is what has made a tremendous difference between yo yo ing and actually taking weight off for good.
So many people want the easy way out. They will take any pill, try any new fad for losing weight. How many times do we ignore what makes sense? My husband and I joke about writing our weight loss book. It will have one sentence. Eat less and exercise, stupid. Okay, sure the stupid part is mean but we include ourselves in that stupid part, too. Why did it take me so long to figure out the weight wasn't going away without some friggin hard work!
Where friends would look at pictures of themselves and say, "Gross" I looked at pictures of myself and made comments like, "I am frigging good looking." Arrogance? maybe! But, the fact is I would much rather be the person happy with my looks than the one who worries my looks are never good enough. By whose standards do we judge ourselves? For me, only by my own.
I bring up self esteem because it took a lot for me to see the weight problem. In pictures I kind of noticed it, but it took realizing my belly was resting on my legs to do something about it.
On March 11, 2012 I woke up after a night of debauchery at my brother's house. I felt disgusting. I made the drive home from the Cape and got on the scale. That is the first time I saw 238 and I said, "this has to end here." Now, I had already started trying to "be healthier" but that is like dipping your foot in the pool. During the week I would lose 2 to 3 pounds and on the weekend I would drink alcohol and eat everything in sight and put back 2 to 3 pounds or more often 4 to 5 pounds. I was defeating myself and I knew how. On March 11, 2012 I decided that I would have to stop drinking alcohol to make any kind of difference. As I write this it is June 29th and I have still not had alcohol. I am not an alcoholic and I do not know if or when I will have an alcoholic beverage again. What I do know is that one decision is what has made a tremendous difference between yo yo ing and actually taking weight off for good.
So many people want the easy way out. They will take any pill, try any new fad for losing weight. How many times do we ignore what makes sense? My husband and I joke about writing our weight loss book. It will have one sentence. Eat less and exercise, stupid. Okay, sure the stupid part is mean but we include ourselves in that stupid part, too. Why did it take me so long to figure out the weight wasn't going away without some friggin hard work!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
The Beginning
Okay, here is the truth. I think people who blog about weight loss may be boring. Okay, well maybe reading their blogs is boring. Or maybe I just feel like a really fat person reading blogs instead of getting outside and doing something about my weight. I don't know and I don't care. The truth is that when I turned 40 I realized I could stop judging people (so often) and start doing what I really felt passionate about doing. Currently I have another blog that is about (currently) my mom dying and what that was like and how I grew up from that. It is pretty heavy. I get 45 pageviews a day and I have already subtracted the 3 times I hit the page to reread what I have written that day. I am not sure anyone who is faithful to that blog would like this blog, but somebody might. And because somebody might, I am going to write about weight loss. Actually, that is a lie. I might write some about weight loss, but more often I am going to write about being a happy, healthy and strong person. And how weight loss works out of that.
So, lets begin with the fact that I was not fat growing up. Oh, I thought I was fat to be sure, but I wasn't. I was probably most often the perfect weight for my body type, but someone who could have pushed myself harder to work out. In my senior year of high school I ran track. That sounds so noble doesn't it, but the truth is I ran track because I wanted my letter and there were a million girls who ran track and it was a championship team and nobody got cut so I could run my little 100 meter and be done with it. Now, as I said, I was not fat, but that did not stop me and a girlfriend from cutting out of track (how would coach notice with a million girls) and going to the mall to get nachos. (Sorry, Ron!)
Did I like track? Not so much. I enjoyed hill sprints and Indian runs. (which I am positive I shouldn't call Indian runs anymore but I have no idea what I might call them then so forgive me for being an asshole) Indian runs were when the team got in a line and ran at a steady pace and the person in the back had to sprint to the front and became the leader. God, I loved those friggers.
I also want to state that along with not actually being fat, God gave me two amazing, best friends who were both short and athletic. They were tiny girls and next to them I felt like an amazon when I thought about my weight, but luckily none of us really obssessed on weight too much and so although I was the amazon of the group, it was not too bad.
It was when I hit age 35 that I started putting on about 10 pounds a year. That appears to be so little in so much time that it happens and you say, "oh I can take that off any old time." But instead of taking it off you add another 5 to 10 pounds the following year. When your mother is sick in the hospital and you live on nothing but junk food (or insert your own drama/trauma here) you creep past 200 pounds and you think, "holy shit that is a lot of weight. I MAY be considered fat now." But you give yourself an out because of your drama/trauma and you move on. Then you get married at age 39 and you are well past 200 but you feel so incredibly happy and so incredibly beautiful that you don't even TRY to lose weight. But then, you settle into married life and one day you jump on the scale and the scale says 238 and you say, "What the frig happened?" And you see pictures and it starts to become something you can no longer ignore. And then the worst thing that could possibly happen happens. You find yourself sitting on the sofa leaning forward like your dad used to and resting your belly on your legs because it is no longer comfortable to sit any other way. And that is when it hits you. You are frigging fat and you can't hide it from yourself any longer.
You hear a lot about addicts who hit their rock bottom and that is what it takes for them to move past their addiction. I have a friend who doesn't believe in rock bottom, but I am telling you, as soon as I realized I had to rest my frigging belly on my frigging legs it was rock bottom for me. There could be no looking back. And so the journey began.
So, lets begin with the fact that I was not fat growing up. Oh, I thought I was fat to be sure, but I wasn't. I was probably most often the perfect weight for my body type, but someone who could have pushed myself harder to work out. In my senior year of high school I ran track. That sounds so noble doesn't it, but the truth is I ran track because I wanted my letter and there were a million girls who ran track and it was a championship team and nobody got cut so I could run my little 100 meter and be done with it. Now, as I said, I was not fat, but that did not stop me and a girlfriend from cutting out of track (how would coach notice with a million girls) and going to the mall to get nachos. (Sorry, Ron!)
Did I like track? Not so much. I enjoyed hill sprints and Indian runs. (which I am positive I shouldn't call Indian runs anymore but I have no idea what I might call them then so forgive me for being an asshole) Indian runs were when the team got in a line and ran at a steady pace and the person in the back had to sprint to the front and became the leader. God, I loved those friggers.
I also want to state that along with not actually being fat, God gave me two amazing, best friends who were both short and athletic. They were tiny girls and next to them I felt like an amazon when I thought about my weight, but luckily none of us really obssessed on weight too much and so although I was the amazon of the group, it was not too bad.
It was when I hit age 35 that I started putting on about 10 pounds a year. That appears to be so little in so much time that it happens and you say, "oh I can take that off any old time." But instead of taking it off you add another 5 to 10 pounds the following year. When your mother is sick in the hospital and you live on nothing but junk food (or insert your own drama/trauma here) you creep past 200 pounds and you think, "holy shit that is a lot of weight. I MAY be considered fat now." But you give yourself an out because of your drama/trauma and you move on. Then you get married at age 39 and you are well past 200 but you feel so incredibly happy and so incredibly beautiful that you don't even TRY to lose weight. But then, you settle into married life and one day you jump on the scale and the scale says 238 and you say, "What the frig happened?" And you see pictures and it starts to become something you can no longer ignore. And then the worst thing that could possibly happen happens. You find yourself sitting on the sofa leaning forward like your dad used to and resting your belly on your legs because it is no longer comfortable to sit any other way. And that is when it hits you. You are frigging fat and you can't hide it from yourself any longer.
You hear a lot about addicts who hit their rock bottom and that is what it takes for them to move past their addiction. I have a friend who doesn't believe in rock bottom, but I am telling you, as soon as I realized I had to rest my frigging belly on my frigging legs it was rock bottom for me. There could be no looking back. And so the journey began.
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