Step 1. Alcohol

I apologize right now to those who are going to groan, but you just can't write a blog about being strong physically and mentally without talking about self-esteem.  I will make it quick.  Self esteem- I have an abundance of it and I believe I always have.  Sure, I am a pleaser and a peace maker, but I am so damn sure of myself.  I mean listen, I am the girl who sophomore year asked 7 guys to the Sadie Hawkins dance. The 7th guy said yes, thank goodness, and then I spent all night avoiding his advances because I didn't want him to be my first kiss.  He wasn't!  I never once have believed that my worth was based on how I look. That doesn't mean I didn't want to look hot, it just means I didn't think that was how people judged me.  For God's sake I grew up with a mom whose favorite book was The Velveteen Rabbit. The message was clear to me even as a young girl.  With real love it doesn't matter what you look like. 

Where friends would look at pictures of themselves and say, "Gross" I looked at pictures of myself and made comments like, "I am frigging good looking."  Arrogance? maybe!  But, the fact is I would much rather be the person happy with my looks than the one who worries my looks are never good enough.  By whose standards do we judge ourselves?  For me, only by my own.  

I bring up self esteem because it took a lot for me to see the weight problem. In pictures I kind of noticed it, but it took realizing my belly was resting on my legs to do something about it. 

On March 11, 2012 I woke up after a night of debauchery at my brother's house.  I felt disgusting.  I made the drive home from the Cape and got on the scale.  That is the first time I saw 238 and I said, "this has to end here."  Now, I had already started trying to "be healthier" but that is like dipping your foot in the pool.  During the week I would lose 2 to 3 pounds and on the weekend I would drink alcohol and eat everything in sight and put back 2 to 3 pounds or more often 4 to 5 pounds.  I was defeating myself and I knew how.  On March 11, 2012 I decided that I would have to stop drinking alcohol to make any kind of difference.  As I write this it is June 29th and I have still not had alcohol.  I am not an alcoholic and I do not know if or when I will have an alcoholic beverage again.  What I do know is that one decision is what has made a tremendous difference between yo yo ing and actually taking weight off for good.

So many people want the easy way out.  They will take any pill, try any new fad for losing weight.  How many times do we ignore what makes sense?    My husband and I joke about writing our weight loss book.  It will have one sentence.  Eat less and exercise, stupid.  Okay, sure the stupid part is mean but we include ourselves in that stupid part, too.  Why did it take me so long to figure out the weight wasn't going away without some friggin hard work!